Freezing.

I can’t believe my heart aches and tears dripped when we talked, I thought I have already let it go, I thought it’s not gonna affect me, I thought I could go way ruthless with my words to hurt you like how you do to me. And I came to my realization that I couldn’t… I don’t bear to actually do that. I’m in a dilemma, I don’t really wanna answer you a no but also not a definite yes. Probably its because of the fear that is engulfing me, fear of being fearful of what’s gonna happen again. It feels like I’m in antarctic the last few months. That doesn’t feel good at all, you just left without even saying a bye? You just kept me hanging in mid air, struggling whether to wait for your return or to walk away like how you did. So since you have already choose to do that to me why? Why do you choose to come back and tell me the reason behind your departure now? when I have already gave everything up? Yes, now we both know the reason behind it but sometimes things isn’t that simple, there are still tons of other reason why I can’t answer your question,it’s just that I don’t want to make it awkward when we meet so I didn’t say it. It’s so hard for me to try again, I’m not that brave, I’m not prepared for another fall. I know you’re pissed, but you wanted me to be frank. When you are at the point of being angry do you know my heart actually ached whenever I pressed the send button, I would rather me being the one to be hurt than revealing the truth to you and hurt you. I’m not trying to be noble, it’s just because I care, I really do.